I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Randomize
