When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
