I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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