Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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