So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
that is very illegal...i love you.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize