he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
