he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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