After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Mom said you looked used
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
