My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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