operation harelip BJ is a go
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
