Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
