We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
