Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
