remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
