What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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