Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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