So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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