Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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