I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
