oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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