She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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