When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
