We named our party play list daddy issues
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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