I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
