Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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