dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
