Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
