Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
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Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
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I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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