i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize