I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
