I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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