my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
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