I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
