Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
