Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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