i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
