Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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