I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
