we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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