I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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