So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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