Don't make out with my wife yet
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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