so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
