At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
