o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
