dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
