i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize