i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
