Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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