Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Randomize