I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
