im six kinds of drunk right now
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
