i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
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