i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
