I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
