what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
